facets of grief

As time goes by I am finding myself more and more THRILLED with my life as a single person. Even so, the reality of grief---and the areas it emcompasses---is somewhat surprising.
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I found out Hoochie's kids are now playing with the neighbors across the street. Uh..that would be MY neighbors. Across the street from MY old house. It's difficult to not feel betrayed by these neighbors even though it sounds very snotty-jr-high-girl to say that.
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My ex's parents were "on my side" when they first found out about Hoochie. They said we'd always be family. And even though I told ex's mom that she'd get over the initial shock and eventually welcome Hoochie into the family and I'd become a distant memory, I feel a bit stabbed in the heart to know that ex and Hoochie having been taking the kids to gramma's house for weekend dinners. It feels like I've been written off and that anything good I ever brought to the table has been swept into the trash bin, forgotten. They're forging a new relationship with her---out with the old, in with the new.
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I found out that today is one of ex's step daughter's birthdays. My youngest child mentioned to me that she and ex took step-daughter a special treat at school today. Hoochie didn't come. For some reason I was bothered by this. Ex was never really about doing nice, albeit unnecessary things for people. He'd be the first one to point out how wasteful niceties like balloons and flowers and a special lunch were. But apparently HER kids are worth it.
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Last weekend they took their brood to the movies. Not a big deal in and of itself, except for the fact that, again, it was a rare day when he would agree to waste money on such things. 2 adults and 6 kids (well, maybe 5 since the baby was probably free) isn't cheap. And my kids reported having movie theater junk.....cha-ching.
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There is still the feeling of the elephant in the room in many settings. I am not clear on proper etiquette in getting things out in the open. Do I just blurt out, "We're divorced, ok??" and stomp off? Do I just act like nothing is different? Do I have our story printed out on little notecards to hand out in awkward situations to alleviate any discomfort? I must say that my preference is for the people who say, "You know, I heard about you and ex and I'm so sorry." It's so much nicer to have it out there.
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A friend shared with me her husband's frustration that, "People who think divorce is "final" are crazy...it's not final when you have kids." As much as I'm sure that he meant nothing personal by his statement, I can't help but feel a bit frustrated. I DO realize divorce is not final. I DO realize that I will be forever connected to the father of my children. I DO think about every birthday, graduation, holiday, wedding....and I know that it's not final. I did not divorce my husband because of some silly fantasy of being "done" with him forever (although I'd love it if that were true) Sadly, divorcing him was the best option, which hopefully conveys how agonizing my decision was.
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So, I'm off to take a nice bubble bath and use the towels that I share with no one---and that haven't been used to wipe grease off the car's dipstick by mistake. Then I'll drink a hot cup of tea in my warm cozy, down-adorned bed with too many decorative pillows--arranged just the way I like them. And I'll smile and remember that life is good----or at least it's getting a little closer to good every "single" day.