one step closer.

Appointment with the attorney tomorrow...finally. I'm not sure what's it's about, other than, you know, the obvious thing. Not sure if it's just to look over the paperwork before it is presented to "him", or something else. I'm just eager to get through this.

Last night my husband and I had a lengthy talk about "Things". He wanted to know MY plan.

Me: Uh....well, the big plan is to divorce you. The next thing on my list is to stop doubting myself and my decision making ability. Third thing....umm...perhaps I'll buy a kayak. You?

He got a little snippy with me after that, which made it a little bit fun if I'm being completely honest here.

I told him he needed to find another place to live. I don't think this arrangement is good now that we know reconciliation is not a possibility. I'd like to, you know, sleep in an actual bed again sometime. He is resisting looking for an apartment or house. He makes 3rd grade excuses..."Well, I can't look NOW because then I'll find something I like and I won't be able to get it." "I HAVE to have a garage and there's nothing with a garage." I suggested he call the property management places and let them know when he'd like to move and what he's looking for so they can be keeping an eye out for him. Geez....is it THAT hard to figure this out? You can concoct a grand plan to deceive me, ruin your children's future, and rebuild an entire car engine out of silly putty and a rubber band, but dialing the phone didn't occur to you???

He wants to wait to move out until the end of August. Right as school is starting. You know, to add even more stress to an already stressful time of year......lets throw our kids into ANOTHER tailspin right as we shove them out the door to school and daycare again----after I've been home for 10 weeks with them. Perfect plan---now, why didn't I think of that?

I got him to agree to the end of June---or immediately IF the right place comes open---as move out date. That would give us all time to adjust to life apart while we have downtime to deal with things.

I think he's finally going to tell his family. His parents and brother were in town today and took him to lunch. He's dragging his feet on telling them. Understandable to a certain degree---this is hard news to break. But, I keep reminding him that it could, quite possibly, be in the newspaper (which his parents subscribe to) in the next few weeks, and that would be a horrible way to find out about your son's marriage. I asked that he tell me when he talks to them so I can be prepared...because his mother WILL call me. I'm certain. And, she will probably go into overdrive in spoiling our children materially to make up for the damage we're doing. So, that will be loads of fun to undo.. Yay. I'm counting on them to behave exactly like he is lately and become "Super Grandparents"....doing everything and wanting to be involved in every aspect of their lives even though they've been mostly "fringe" for months and months.

I have been working on a letter that I'm not sure I'll ever send to her..to them. But it covers different things like what they are okay to talk to our kids about and what they are not welcome to say. Maybe it's more for me to feel like I'm actually in control of what my children may hear.