telling and showing

This weekend we're telling our kids about the divorce. I believe this will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Not being the "product of divorce", I have no idea what a person might feel when his parents tell him they are splitting up. Will this be one of those defining moments in his life? A moment that will bring tears to his eyes over the years as he explains time and time again, "My dad doesn't live here anymore." Will he spend hours of his life on a therapist's couch because of this moment and the resulting path his life takes?
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I got a phone call from a friend today. A friend who heard from a friend of a friend of a friend------that we are getting divorced. The big problem with this is one of the "friends" happens to be a cousin of my soon-to-be-ex. And she lives across the street from his parents. Who do not know yet. On a good day she's got the biggest mouth in the county...when there's "juicy news", well, that travels at warp speed.

My blood pressure shot up for a moment. Then reality hit: word IS going to get out. I've been thinking for a time now that he should probably tell them. Perhaps this is just evidence of God's perfect timing--a nudge of sorts.

So, he called his mom and told her. I'm relieved and anxious. So glad it's "out". Anxious about what the knowledge of our impending divorce will mean for some family members. I'm determined to let them react how they need to---and to understand the place they're coming from. Most will assume this is a snap decision, not realizing the months and years of counseling we've walked through, not knowing the real issues at the heart of this divorce. There is loss for them as well that may cloud their view of the situation. It's very easy to hear the word divorce and make broad, sweeping assumptions about the parties involved.
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Then comes the hard part---showing them love. Maybe not in the hugging sort of way that was once acceptable, but in the real, human, this-sucks-but-it-is-our-new-normal kind of way. I can be bitter, defensive, passive-aggressive, bitchy...I'm actually quite good at all of those, but I'm not so good at loving my enemies. And I fear some of them are going to cross the line into that camp.