A note from my soon-to-be-ex

Hey,

I am not sure what is going on with you. I know that you want to protect your kids. I also want to protect my kids. I would not do anything to put them in harms way. I want you to know who I am getting involved with so you can feel secure in your kids being safe. If you aren't secure, then it makes it hard for both of us, because there will be that tension between us that our kids will feel. I don't want that for our kids. I thought we were working on this together. ~~~~And I thought you had more sense than to subject our children to a virtually unknown (actually, I guess that's actually how you do know her---"virtually") person and expect me to be okay with it. I don't care who you date, have sex with, whatever, BUT I DO care about the influences in my children's lives, and I think that knowing a person for 13 days, spending one weekend and an overnight with her does NOT qualify her to be a driving force in their development.~~~

I don't really think that it is fair of you to judge this person who you have never even met and jump to conclusions on who she is as a person, a christian, a mother, or as a partner for me.~~~ If by "judging" you mean, "questioning" then yes, I'm doing that. I do not stand in judgement of her--how can I do that...I don't KNOW anything about her. What I do "question" is her judgement. A woman with 4 children (one being 2 months old), out of a bad relationship, dating a man who is still married does not seem to be a person with stellar judgement and impulse control.~~~~ She is a good person, with moral values. ~~~~I've heard Ted Bundy described similarly.~~~~ She is not just a believer in, but a follower of Christ. She belongs to a great foursquare church. I am not trying to be secretive about this person. She has nothing to hide and neither do I. Like I have shared before, we have shared all of our past experiences and problems. ~~~~I know this isn't very "Christian", but can I just call a BULLSHIT here? In 13 days you shared everything with her? You've held nothing back?~~~Both of us have screwed up in the past, but the past is not what we are today. God is amazing and he can change who we are.~~~God IS amazing, and he absolutely CAN change people by whatever means he wishes. I guess I just never thought of EHarmony (or whatever reputable site you met her on) as a tool of the Almighty God. Live and learn, I suppose.~~~~ I don't like throwing out that "God" thing, like my mom does all the time, in fact I can't stand it. I am not doing it in a shallow, right thing to say today, way though.~~~~ Past history clouds my vision here, my dear. You have proven yourself time and again to be little more than a shallow, zero-depth person hiding behind semantics and self-righteousness. I do hope this is genuine..time will tell. ~~~~Tina has shown me that God really does exist and can do great things in our life.~~~~ I must interject here that Tina has shown you Tina's version of God--the way we all do. Only God can truly reveal His character, grace and mercy. You don't need to have Tina show you the way to Him. He has been here all along; you just didn't want to listen to Him. ~~~~I am very sorry that I did not figure these things out long ago with you. Things may be different if I had.~~~~ (Ummm..you think?)~~~~~ I feel the need to be closer to God and to pray. This is not what you have seen of me and I know it is hard to swallow or believe. I know. I want to be, not as I was, but, who I can be. Tina is a great encouragement in that. She respects me for who I am, even knowing where I have been and what I have done, but also encourages me to be more than that, growing in my relationship with Christ. She is not perfect by any means either.~~~~ No, seriously? Because I see no red flags whatsoever....~~~~She grew up in the church. It sounds like her Christian experience growing up was not so stale as mine. She was always more on fire for God than I for sure. Then she married and had the 3 kids. She lived in that marriage for 11 yrs., always faithful to her husband who was disrespectful, abusive, and disloyal to her. She finally made the decision to get out of that relationship, for her sanity and for the kids sake. She lost her connection with God, wondering why he would allow this to happen to her.~~~~(it's called "Free Will")~~~~ Anyhow, she ended up with her little one, Johnny, but did not want the father to be there with the negative influence he would have on the little one. She decided, after she found out that she was pregnant that she has to get back to her strong foundation and back to serving God. She has been able to grow greatly in her faith and as a person because of these experiences that she has been involved in. ~~~~(Maybe she should read up that part of the Bible that talks about avoiding appearances of evil, and oh..the stuff about you know, not being with other people's spouses....really, her credibility is being diminished by her actions)~~~She really is a great person, but has unfortunately has made some bad choices and has been stuck in some bad situations. ~~~~And she is continuing to walk straight into another "tough" situation. At some point in our lives, we have to take some personal responsibility for OUR own choices. This, my friend, would not be one of her smart ones. ~~~~That doesn't mean that the person she was for a short time is who she is today. She is a very loving mother with some great kids. She loves kids by the way. You can see it in her face when she is around them.~~~~ Right...both times you've been around her. It's in sharp contrast, I'm sure, to the way I hate kids. ~~~~I don't want this whole thing to be a source of contention between us. It will just be harder on us and our kids if we are in disagreement and not willing to work with each other.
The real reason I am telling you these things about Tina and her life is so you can get a better feel for who she is and feel a sense of peace when our kids are around her and her family. I really want you to meet her to hopefully get to know her a bit more, but that is up to you. I know it is awkward. I know it is too fast. I know that from the outside, it makes no sense whatsoever. The connection we have is just different. Our communication style is the same, ~~~~(sooooo, you don't talk much,eh?) ~~~~we have the same sense of humor,~~~~ (non existent?)~~~~ we have the same likes and dislikes,~~~~(Likes: spending money excessively, lying at every turn, blaming others for shortcomings, and masturbating to hard porn? Dislikes: accountability, people who demand integrity, honesty)~~~~ she is drawing me closure to God, etc. You are wrong about her. We are NOT having sex. ~~~~(TMI, dude, TMI...your life, your business)~~~~~We don't want to make the same mistake we both made in the past having sex before marriage. We just enjoy being with each other. I drove over there on Tuesday night to help her the next day. She had to take her daughters to a dentist appointment, which has been scheduled for several weeks, but could not do it as she had a deadline for work that she had to turn in some reports for. I wanted to help her out. ~~~~(I have to SERIOUSLY question the intelligence of a woman who would entrust her 10 and 11 year old girls to a man she JUST met ONLINE....do you people not read the news? Pedophiles abound, and there are so many stories of online relationships going awry in fatal ways.....this alarms me tremendously.~~~~~ I didn't go over there for the wrong reasons like you may think. I wish we had this connection that I am feeling right now. We were both part of it not being there. ~~~~~(yes, yes...I knew there had to be something about me in here.....you couldn't just own your own stuff without making sure I know that I have issues too. I do.~~~~~~ It really would have been easier if we did have some common though. This seems weird, but I really wish you could find someone that you have a connection with, that you could trust, support, care for, like I have.~~~~ (I hope for that too, but I realize that I am a wounded person. I know that I need to spend time ALONE with God and find my value, strength and peace in Him before I have anything to bring to a new relationship. You'll be the first to know when I find Mr. Right)~~~~~You are a very good person. ~~~~~I actually think I am a pretty good person.--especially after I think of what I've put up with and how much I tried to make this marriage work over the years. ~~~~~You have many exceptional qualities. ~~~~~Sadly, I feel beaten down by the way you've treated me for almost 13 years. I'm not sure anymore what these qualities are or were.~~~~ You deserve to be taken care of. I am sorry that I did not do take care of you like I should have and that I hurt you so much. Will you please forgive me? ~~~~~Why does this feel like some sort of assignment from your 12 step leader...er, ah..."girlfriend"?

I want us to be able to work with each other and hopefully some day respect each other and our decisions. Will you try to do that with me? ~~~~(I am not sure I will ever have a great deal of "respect" for you, dear one, but I will have to learn to accept your decisions regardless of my agreement with them)