arrrggghhhh

I'm not sure how people can divorce amicably--or is it amiably? Or do they mean the same thing? Nicely. How can people divorce nicely. I wanted to be someone who did this well since I, apparently, am not great at the being married part.

I told my husband that I went to the attorney's office and that I have an appointment schedule in a couple weeks to get the paperwork done. He was immediately mad. "Why are you doing this to me? Why do you need to see one of THOSE people who are just out to keep your money? If you do this there is NO way we can get along well after it's over."

I asked if he was threatening me because it sounded awfully threat-ish. He said that I was the one threatening him by hiring someone who was going to go after him. Really? Does it just automatically mean that if someone hires an attorney that it's a big fight? With threats? I don't believe so. I want to hire an attorney so that we can be certain that our paperwork is legal and complete. I also want to have someone look over how we've decided to split up our assets (and I use the term loosely) and help us decide a few things we can't seem to agree upon.

We "discussed" things for awhile. Both of us putting our own spin on things. Both of us not seeing the other's point of view. I thought this might be a good illustration of why we do, indeed, need someone to help us figure things out. He started in on his non-sensical argument again.

His thinking scares me. I'm really not being dramatic...it scares me that a real live person--whom I've lived with for more than 12 years----can truly think the way he thinks about things. His financial irresponsibility baffles me the most. I cannot even type my frustrations because I'm certain a huge ulcer will form in my stomach and burst because of the stress I have just thinking about it. Dramatic, no?

I can't decide if it's wrong of me to want legal counsel. I don't personally perceive attorneys as something threatening. I invited him to come the meeting if he wanted, but reminded him that she would be acting as my counsel. To which he got upset again, saying something about "Exactly, that's what I mean about those attorneys!" What? I even asked him when he had had such negative experiences with attorneys because I could not recall a single time in our history where an attorney even played a part. He said he had heard of many, many, many stories where things were fine with people (who were filing for divorce), but as soon as an attorney was hired it all went downhill. (I did NOT mention that the obvious lack of credibility stems from the fact that most people are not "fine" when they file for divorce. There's usually something else going on that's the real problem, and that the attorney-hiring doesn't just spontaneously cause a relationship to go from "fine" to "divorce") I'm not sure if these are real life people or his imaginary friends, but their stories have clearly impacted him greatly.

Obviously, my trust in this man is at an all-time low. So, it's hard for me to believe that he really wants to sit down and work this out, but I said I'd be willing to try. There are a few weeks before my appointment, I can cancel if needed, or we can talk and then I can still have the attorney look it over for me. Right?