identity

I attended the court mandated parenting class today. Nothing they taught was what I would classify as profound, but I did come away feeling better prepared for who lies ahead. One theme today was about how we are now moving away from being part of a twosome into the single life.

My mind kept wandering to the last 12 years of what "being a couple" has meant. I don't want to sound overly dramatic or anything. I know that once we are divorced, living apart, and I'm basically on my own, that it will be a huge adjustment for all of us. The learning curve will be steep; I don't know what I don't know.

But all the talk about the loss of companionship and how our social group will change...well, I don't believe that will be part of our adjustment period. I've been married to a person who I am tempted to call anti-social. Someone whose complaints when I had invited people over ranged from "I don't know them very well" (which is sort of the point of getting together) "I'm busy" (which usually meant he'd spend the afternoon and evening working out in the garage by himself), or "It's too expensive" (which is why you make it a potluck or soup)

All of his arguments were for the sake of convenience. His, not mine. Because the pattern that seemed to develop over time was that he could get to know a stranger---when they had something he wanted. He did clear his schedule at a moment's notice---when it was something he loved to do. And, he has spent tens of thousands of dollars on things that are related to his interests over the years with little regard for the impact to our family.

What concerns me now is that I have not really had a social life for....well, years. I don't imagine being a divorcee is going to suddenly resurrect it. Am I doomed to a social life in the "divorce recovery" group at church, or is it really possible to have a diverse social group to interact with?